School memo's
by The unwritten promise
Summary: The new school term has begun, but there are more than a few surprises lurking within its creaky walls. In this tale the untouchable will be touched in very private places, enemies will become lovers in the showers, and teachers will need to invest in more red F stamps. Because, for the kids of KH high, it's all about growing up and taking notes along the way.
1. Chapter 1

"Roxas? Roxas get out of bed!"

I shuffled slightly and groaned, lifting the pillow above my head and pressing it over my ears. "Shuddup Sora! Go back to sleep." My voice was groggy and harsh, but my body was warm beneath the thick quilt, and I'll be damned if my little brother is going to ruin that today.

There was a heavy sigh, the sound of boots pressing against wood, and then the beautiful warmth that had blanketed me was gone and the nipping, nibbling cold was biting at my bare feet. I shivered and cursed loudly, turning around in a jolt and growling as the brown haired nuisance sat giggling with my warm blanket in his devilish hands. Bastard. "Sora, what the hell! Give me back my quilt or I swear-"

"Cloud says you've got five minutes to get ready before he kicks you out of the house butt naked."

I faltered and he smiled, his brown fuzzy hair bouncing slightly atop his head while I mumbled and slung my legs over the side, wincing when he dropped my precious blanket and opened the blinds to let in the traitorous sun that blinded me, forcing me to squint. The wooden flooring was cold, freezing even, and it took me all my small minds might to set my feet upon it.

"ROXAS! GET YOUR SKINNY ARSE DOWN THESE STAIRS OR I'LL BE KICKING IT DOWN!"

I groaned as Cloud's stressed voice came running up the stairs to greet me in a good morning wake up call. The sound of laughter made me look to my right, still squinting in the light at the brown haired twat that shared my room. Why mom and dad had to leave me with an accident like him I'll never know.

"Told ya." Said twat laughed, ducking out of the way of my sweeping hand and skipping to the door. Yeah, you heard me right. Skipping. In case you can't guess, my little brother is gay. Yep, he's got a golden ticket on the back door train express. Me? Nah, I'm as straight as they come. Not that I've got anything against gay people, hell I live with two of them (yes, Cloud is also gay. You see the problem I have now, yes? Having two hormonal gay brothers does not make for an easy ride on my part).

As Sora left I got up and shrugged the sleep from my shoulders, rubbing my tired eyes with my palms and pulling on a pair of black pants I found on the floor that were torn and scratched. After routing around for a belt I finally gave up and nabbed one of Sora's brown ones (flinching at the striped rainbow colours the others had) and pinched a pair of his socks while I was at it.

Let me explain. Me and Sora share a room. Due to the little misfits demands, there is red tape going dead down the centre of the room (literally) and low and behold, all Hell shall rise dare I step a toe over that line. But Sora isn't in right now, hence it's safe to steal his things and trash his perfectly arranged side of the room. My own side is a little less pretty. I can't step across the floor without something sharp scratching me, there are clothes hanging from the lamp by my bed and I'm pretty sure something shiny just moved in the closet. Oh well, I'll get to it later I guess, if I can be bothered that is.

I was knelt between two piles of clothes on the floor, in the middle of routing around for a shirt or a top I could wear, clean or not, when I heard the sound of angry footsteps march up the stairs, and I knew it was Cloud. I looked up just in time to catch the door flying wide before my older brother's angry face stepped into the lime light and I smirked up at him. His shirt's untucked, his tie is loose about his neck and I'm pretty sure his pants are on backwards. Oh yes, big brother is not in a good mood this gloriously crap Monday morning. But are any of us really? Can I really blame him for being the angry little nut that he is? No, I'm afraid I can't. Why? Because I'm the one who causes his angry escapades more oft than not. But hey, it's funny to watch him explode.

"Roxas! I told you to be ready fifteen minutes ago. I'm going to be late for work, and the new boss is supposed to be a real butthole too." He stepped into the room and towered over me while I glowered back.

"Well if you would have gotten me up on time-"

"Roxas, you're sixteen years old! Get yourself up."

I scoffed, "well I would if I could. Do you see an alarm in this room Cloud? Will you please point out the imaginary clock you can see in your stressed little mind."

He frowned and took a deep breath, and if you squint really hard you can see the little blue vein that's ready to burst on his forehead. I can just picture the cogs turning in his mind while he try's not to yell at me and scream. Ha, good luck with that one big brother. I'm going to make your morning as difficult as possible. "Roxas. Get. In. The. Car."

Rolling my eyes, I continued my search. "I can't. In case you haven't noticed, I'm half naked. I don't think the neighbours want to see my nipples while they're having their morning coffee, do you? Besides, the paper boy keeps giving me funny looks. If I go out looking like this he might knock me out with the Times and rape me or something. You never know Cloud. You can never be too careful."

He closed his eyes and stilled. A warning to all you people out there who don't know Cloud, watch out for the silence. It's _never_ a good sign. _Ever_. "Roxas, I'm going to tell you one more time. Get. In. The. Car."

There was a bite to his voice that had me smiling. Damn, I love winding him up. "I. Can't. I'm. Naked. From. The. Waist. Up." I ground my teeth together and continued. "People. Will. See. My. Nipples."

The vein popped.

"ROXAS GET IN THE FUCKING CAR OR I SWEAR I WILL PUT YOU IN AN AMBULANCE!"

I laughed and fell backwards when his eye twitched. But my laughter was short lived and I made a very manly sound that ended up coming out like a squelching goat when my big brother grabbed me about the waist and threw me over his shoulder, ignoring my protests as I pounded on his back and grinned, kicking him in the face and successfully losing my big toe up his nostril. I think I can safely say I shall never see it again. So long big toe, you were a soldier until your boogery death.

There was a loud snort and my big toe was successfully retrieved, but unfortunately it was coated in a thick green slime I was a little less than reluctant to touch. Cloud bent down and picked something up of the floor, tucking it into his waist before he stormed towards the door, ignoring my protests as he jumped a little and banged my head on the top of the door. The crack was loud and I swear I lost several brave brain cells. I never used them, but that's beside the point. They were mine. I wanted them alive.

"Cloud, put me down. You are not King Kong and I am not some poor gay man you can rape at the top of some penis looking tower." I banged hard on his back with my fist and shoved my foot in his mouth, ignoring his yelp as the boogies were licked of and he gagged, almost falling before he spat my toe out and growled.

The next thing I knew my arse was stinging like a bitches behind. "Youch! Cloud, you fucking spanked me!" I was given another *cough* spanking (Damn that sounds wrong) for my bad use of language, and I was left in a limp state of shock, still naked and flashing my nipples as Cloud turned left at the bottom of the stairs and picked up something else. And then I was ducking, my hands covering my poor bruised head, as Cloud jogged out of the door, causing me to almost vomit down his back as he carried me like a fucking sack of spuds. You see? This is how much my family loves me.

He dumped me on the lawn outside in a sprawled heap and threw a shirt at me and my scuffed trainers. Aha, so that's what he picked up, useless big brother isn't so useless after all. I looked about as Cloud ran back into the house, banging the door as he went, and grinned as our neighbours across the street looked on at me with mixed expressions of horror and surprise. Mr Wise, a substitute teacher I loved to prank, was sat with his arm around his wife, who had her mouth open and a cup of trembling coffee in her hands.

"Hello Mr Wise! Hello Mrs Wise!" I lifted my hand and waved a little too energetically at them, smiling happily and laughing when Mr Wise only just managed to catch his wife before she hit the deck. Honestly, you'd have thought she'd have seen a little bit more slap and tickle in her time. When she didn't get up despite Mr Wise's numerous fanning motions I decided to pick up my shirt and shoes and scrambled into the car, slamming the door behind me and scowling at my brother, who was sat up front, as he hid a smirk from me through the mirror.

For some reason I always get the back seat. Always. Sora always sits up front with Cloud. Favouritism much? Meh, oh well. I looked at the shirt Cloud brought me and groaned, pulling on the checked shirt and licking my thumb before I attempted to scrub out some of the ketchup stains that lined the sleeves. Tch, typical, he couldn't even pick a clean top, let alone a decent one. I buttoned up the front and turned to pull on my trainers as Cloud entered the car and slammed the door next to him, throwing the suitcase he was holding back at me and sighing heavily as he put the key in the ignition and pulled out of the drive.

"Roxas, put you're seat belt on." Cloud mumbled while Sora jumped up and down and stuck his head out the window the way a Labrador does on the way to the park. It looks quite funny really, I'm sat sprawled out in the back, Sora's sat waving out the window at all the retards who are up this early, and Cloud is curled over the steering wheel, his shoulders slumped so he can fit into the car that is much to small for him while the grumpy look on his face just spells miserable. Ah well, one day you'll get a bigger car brother. 'Till then though, I am your little demon. Hear me roar.

"I can't, I have to tie my shoes."

"You can tie your shoes when we stop. Just put on your damn seatbelt!"

"I can't."

There was a long pause before Cloud gritted his teeth and looked at me in the mirror when we stopped at a red light. "Why?"

"Because they itch."

The twitch was back. "They itch?"

"Yeah, they're all scratchy and stuffy. Besides, Sora's not wearing his."

"Roxas," Sora moaned, turning back to give me puppy dog eyes. But thankfully, after many years of gruelling torture and evenings of tiring training, I have become immune to the soppy younger brother look. "Why did you have to say that?"

"Because you stole my blanket this morning." I stuck my tongue out and stared out the side boredly as I rolled down the window and stuck my feet out the opposite side, yawning and cuddling down for a small nap before the summer term begins.

"Roxas! Get your feet in the window right now! Both of you, put your seat belts on, sit up straight and shut up!" Cloud groaned, taking a right turning and flipping of the driver that honked behind him while our small red motor struggled to make it up the school drive.

"What's the point?" I mumbled. "We're here, and besides, seatbelts destroy more lives than they save."

"Actually, that's airbags Roxas."

"Shut up Sora." I grumbled, peeking an eye open when the car stopped abruptly when we went over a small bump. Strange, the school never used to have speed bumps.

"Aww," Sora's moan was pitiful and I swear, for a split second, I thought he was going to cry. "Cloud, you killed the squirrel."

"Cloud killed a squirrel?" I leaned forward and raised an eyebrow. "Where is it?"

Sora scoffed this time. "Where do you think it is? It's under the wheel stupid, where most things go when they get run over."

I frowned at him, but before I could retaliate or even open my mouth to defend my honour, Cloud was speaking again in that low dangerous tone of his. Oh yes, be afraid. Be very afraid.

"I want both of you out of my car. Now."

His voice was quiet and I immediately, with slow and deliberate movements so as not to startle him, got out of the car and slammed the door shut. Cloud never looked back at us as Sora got out of the side door, and the next thing I knew there was the sound of small crunching bones and Cloud was gone, becoming nothing but a dust bubble on the horizon.

I coughed twice and blinked, watching with sceptical eyes as Sora made another pitiful moaning noise at the sight of the twitching squirrel that lay on the ground. I didn't hang around. While Sora was busy ogling the squirrel's remains I crept away and jogged over the school field, running beneath the goal posts and over to my secret spot where me and my friends always met up before school began. I swear, they are some of the only people that keep me sane, and they are some of the most mentally retarded beings I have had the privilege to know. Doesn't that just say it all?

I walked up to the overhanging vines and the thick shrubs at the end of the field and swept away some of the muck that hung there, revealing a make shift door (it was really just a piece of wire with a curtain dangling from it). Pushing it open, I was greeted with a bone crushing hug from a mop of blonde and a smear of green.

"Hayner, let go! You're crushing me, dude." The mop of blonde and green released me and I smiled at my best friend, Hayner, the most insanely cool person I have ever met.

"Bro, you have no idea how much I've missed you. Namine has been driving me mad all summer at that stupid summer camp."

"Wow, your dad actually went through with that? I always thought he was just threatening about sending you there." I laughed, rubbing my head to brush out some of the knots as I walked across the room and took a seat in the shopping cart we 'borrowed' a few moons back.

"Me too. Turns out he was being serious. I can tell you now; I have never been so scared in my entire life. The coach kept rubbing his crotch and feeding us bananas. Weird dude." I laughed at the sour expression on his face and let out a yelp when he wheeled the trolley around and tipped me out. "It's not funny Rox. Next time he says its military camp man."

I snorted. "Stop being such a wuss Hayner."

"Easy for you to say, Cloud never sends you anywhere like that, and you drive him mad."

"That's because he can't catch me." I shrugged and grinned. "If he can't catch me, he can't send me anywhere." I thought back to earlier in the day when I was slung over his shoulder like Princess Peach out of Mario… "But he's definitely getting better."

Hayner grumbled something I couldn't hear and before I could call him up on it the curtain opened and a glob of fat and brown fuzziness entered.

"Pence?" I asked, not quite believing what I was seeing. Could this blob of chunky goodness be the skinny little runt that left for Christmas break? Me thinks he's had one too many of the mice pies that were left out for Santa.

Pence turned, his gob stuffed with an ice lolly that was coloured a bright blue. He pulled it out with a pop and smiled.

"Hey Roxas, long time no see. Hey, you've gotta try these. They're sooooo good."

Hayner grinned and poked Pence's jiggling belly. "No kidding. How many of these you had?"

"Not many." Pence grumbled, swatting away Hayner's hand and turning back to me, handing me the lolly he had just had in his mouth. "Try it Rox, it's really good."

I took the popsicle from him and looked at the dribbling blue liquid that trailed over my knuckles. "What flavour is it?" I asked, gulping loudly and looking at the stick as if it were covered in sick, which it might have well been for the amount of drool Pence slavered on it.

"It's sea salt flavour." At my worried look he rolled his eyes and urged me on with a pushing motion, showing me how to eat it with his hands, just in case I forgot.

"Dude, you're not really thinking about eating that thing are you?" Hayner asked, looking at me as if I had just declared I was going to have a baby. "It's covered in spit." At Pence's hurt expression Hayner patted him on the back and gave a nervous grin. "No offense Pence."

Pence gave a happy nod and reached into the shoulder bag he was carrying, pulling out a bottle of water and handing it to me. "You can swill it of if you want, but you have to try it. You don't know what you're missing if you don't."

I took the bottle and gave the lolly a decent bath before I hesitantly stuck my tongue out and licked up the side ever so slowly, aware of the others that were staring at me. I finally reached the top and stuck my tongue back in my mouth, swilling the taste around my gob with my own spit and closing my eyes. It was weird. It was salty, but it was also sweet, not too much, but just enough and I subconsciously found myself going for another lick.

When I opened my eyes Pence was grinning and Hayner was looking extremely confused. "See, its good, right Rox?"

I nodded and stuck the whole popsicle in my mouth, happily swirling the blue treat around and over my tongue as the flavour exploded in my mouth.

"Hey Rox, stop hogging. Let me try." Hayner went to pull the treat from my gob, but I swatted his hand away and turned my back on them both, sucking on the sweet with a smile as I spoke out of the corner of my mouth.

"Get your own Hayner, this ones mine."

"That good?" Hayner mumbled, scratching his head and frowning. "Pence, you got any more of them lollies?"

"Nope, fresh out."

"Well…. Where did you get it from? What shop?"

"I dunno, my mom bought them for me. I'll ask her for you when I get home."

Hayner huffed and I turned around, grinning through the side of my mouth as he moaned. "Aw c'mon Rox, let me have just one bite."

"No."

"Please"

"I said no Hayner, you'll just have to wait till Pence brings some more in tomorrow."

"But I can't wait that long, just let me lick it."

"No Hayner, back of."

Hayner went to grab hold of me, but I moved away, my lace getting caught in the wheel of the trolley and sending us both spiralling down towards the ground in a huff. Stupid Cloud, I told him I needed to tie my laces. The impact of the fall forced the stick to the back of my throat and I began choking on the super sweet demon stick that was trying to kill me. Stupid Hayner, he's so impatient. My eyes began watering as I tried to heave up the stick, but it wouldn't move from my throat.

Hayner scrambled of me in a panic and I got up on my knees, placing my hands out in front of me to try and heave out the stupid stick. Pence came forward and stood in front of me, patting me on the back to try and unlodge the stick.

I didn't see the curtain open until the last minute when Both Kairi and Namine walked in, both of them confused and puzzled as they looked to me on the floor, my head at Pence's crotch level while Pence patted me on the back and Hayner stood to a side horrified. What a pretty picture that must have been.

"What the…?" Kairi asked, her hands full of books while Namine looked on, completely baffled.

Hayner looked back to both of us, rubbed his head, and then stepped forward with a blush. "Ya see, Roxas wouldn't let me lick his lollypop, so I kind of pushed him and he ended up choking on Pence's salty treats stick. And now he's choking because Pence can't get the stick out of his throat."

Oh Hayner, you poor simple baboon.

A particularly hard pat from Pence had the stick soaring from my throat and it flew a few feet, coming to land at the giggling girls feet as they held their sides in hysterics, a confused Hayner staring at them both as if they were mad. "Jesus Christ Hayner!" I choked, getting up and coughing. "You make it sound like we're gay lovers."

"What?" Hayner asked, looking at me as if I had just declared to have seen a hippopotamus with wings. "How the hell did it sound like that?"

I shook my head as the bell rang out loud and clear around us, the sound echoing for miles. "Never mind Hayner. Let's get going before we're late. God alone knows the teachers hate us enough as it is." I laughed, slinging my arms around Hayner's shoulder as we walked out of our secret den. Yep I definitely missed these mad bastards. But still, there's a lesson to be learned here.

School memo #1 – Sea salt ice cream is so delicious it's deadly. Beware the stick.

* * *

Please do not worry, this is an akuroku fic. I don't want to give away any of the plot so you will just have to wait and see ;). If people like this I will continue it, but if not then I probably won't bother because I've got my other stories to be working on. Please let me know if you enjoyed so I can carry this on, thank you.

At the end of each chapter (If I carry this on) there will be a memo by Roxas on what he has learned. Axel will appear next chapter and more lessons will be learned. This will take place over the time frame of a school term. Thank you for reading

p.s. sorry about Roxas' potty mouth


	2. Chapter 2

Tutor was the same as last year for me…the school must still hate me for setting the chemistry labs 'zoo' free. I call it the zoo because it practically is one, I swear, if Professor Vexen could get his hands on a Bengal Tiger to dissect, illegal or not, he would. And he'd probably make us watch too (which would be quite interesting, I won't lie. You see, when Vexen begins dissecting things, he doesn't have scalpels and dishes, oh no, he has buckets and chainsaws. The man's a fruit loop). But that's not whose tutor I'm in. I used to be, but after a certain incident involving a few dangerous chemicals and a teacher's car (I shan't name names… *cough* Vexen *cough*) I am no longer allowed near the chemistry department without being strangled. Literally. Hence, I no longer have chemistry at all. Yay me, right? Ha ha, listen and learn children, listen and learn.

Anyway, my tutor is the same old Mr Zexion, the only guy that won't listen to me and has the brain capacity to pretend I don't exist. He's not a bad teacher I guess, I have him for maths as well, and so long as we shut up and let him do his reading he doesn't seem to care what we do. So I guess it's not that bad. In fact it's not bad at all, right? Wrong. You see, this year, Zexion has decided to curse me and sit me at the front, claiming it to be special orders from the principle. I couldn't possibly fathom why. Apparently it's because I put a frog in the principles car exhaust over the holidays and it went flying through his neighbour's window. When I was told I couldn't stop laughing, but that's beside the point. I didn't _actually_ do that prank. Not that Zexion listened, over sized boob that he is. I swear, on cold days, you can see the nipple sticking up beneath his hair.

So anyway, back to the story. I was sat at the front of class, scouring the room for familiar faces and tapping my pencil on the desk against my ruler much to my teachers annoyance (I had the desk directly in front of his, poor soul). The room itself was ashen in colour, just like always, and there were many nightmarish number posters hanging everywhere. The windows were on ground level (which made for an easy escape if needed) and the floor was a thick red carpet. Yes my tutor has no fashion sense, it is not a choice in his life, he was born with it and now the poor sod must live with it. No wonder he's single.

"There's nobody there you know Roxas. Turn around and face front."

The droning voice startled me and I yelped a little. But only a little I promise. And as I turned I gave my teacher a glare through squinted eyes. Professor Zexion never smiled. It's just something he can't do. So he sat across from me, staring at me in that uncomfortable way of his, with both his feet up at his desk and a paper opened flimsily over his lap while he licked his thumb (still staring at me) and turned the page. He is one seriously creepy dude.

"Zex why am I in here? Where's Hayner and Kairi, they were in here last year" I moaned, rocking back on my chair and banging my ruler on my table loudly. I feel like a baby that wants to throw a tantrum, fortunately I have some dignity.

"Call me Professor or Sir Roxas; I am not your friend. As for the few friends you have in your sad little life, I have moved them. I am tired of starting the day with a headache."

"Uh-huh….so why did you keep me?" A light bulb flicked on above my head and my smile broadened while Zexion's face became dire in contrast. "Am I your favourite Zexion? Am I you're A* pupil?"

"W-what!?" My poor teacher looked horrified.

"Is that why I'm up front? Right across from you?" I laughed a little. "Is it so you can stare into my beautiful blue ey-OUCH!" I was fluttering my eyelashes at the window at the time, but I quickly stopped and rubbed my aching head instead while the teacher put down the metre stick he had just whacked me with. Lazy bitch couldn't even be bothered to stretch to do it himself.

"Shut-up Roxas. I do not want you here for your company, believe me on that." Zexion hid the metre stick back under his desk and I watched it with following eyes, swearing my revenge under my breath.

"What's with the stick? You can't hit pupils, y'know. It's not allowed"

He gave me a small up turned frown that I think was supposed to be a smirk. Gotta give him some credit for that, he's getting better; last year all he could do was snarl. "But it was such fun. I'm telling you, if they did 'whack Roxas' at the school fair, we'd be rolling in money."

"Oh ha ha Professor" I mumbled. "You know, I'm pretty sure isolation and abuse come under the safety and protection act of this school. I just might look it up at dinner."

He ignored my threat and licked his thumb again, switching the page and nodding slowly. "Uh-huh. Yep, you go do that Roxas."

…I think he knows I'm bluffing. Because I didn't know anybody (and I'm really not in the mood to make friends) and Zexion was now damn ignoring me, I sat carving my name into the desk all morning. I got frustrated when the ink ran out and so decided to carry on with the ruler, which made an awful grating sound. Productive, no?

By the time the bell rang and I'd noticed the room was half empty and getting emptier. The babble of useless chatter was almost gone and again the interruption of my thoughts by Zexion's placid voice in a baby tone scared me a little.

"Very good Roxas. Now when I report that to the principle the culprit will be easy to locate. Thank you very much." The sarcasm dripped from his voice and I sighed. This is going to be one very long term. I nabbed his pencil (which I had found on the floor when I came in) and left the room, ignoring Zexion's smirk as I headed of to my next class, which just happened to be gym. Oh joy.

I took my time wandering through the corridors whistling and pointing seventh graders in the wrong direction with my hands in my back pockets. I haven't bumped into anyone I know yet. They must all be in gym already or something. I dunno. I finally made it to the school doors and wandered over the school field to the looming building at the back, the dreaded sports hall. As I made my way over I spotted some of my friends doing a few laps in their dull football shorts, their knobbly knees knocking together as the hairs on their legs stood on end. I stuck two fingers in my mouth and whistled at Hayner, jogging up to him and laughing when he stopped and doubled over, cursing loudly when Pence ran into him, the latter's brow coated in sweat and his chest heaving. Not that Hayner was doing much better mind.

I couldn't stop my laughter when I stopped in front of their soggy bodies. "What's up guys, you look a little out of breath."

"No shit Einstein" Pence rolled his eyes and growled at me. I know he's not really mad; he just never did like doing sports, even when he wasn't chubby. "We got stuck with Lexeaus for sports man, the guys a freaking nut. It's been ten minutes and he's got us all doing laps." He pointed over his shoulder to where a few more kids where running. Most of them I recognised, but there were a few I didn't. Namely the red head, silver head and the blonde lanky kid. Yeah, I'm not very good with descriptions. But what scared me, what truly terrified me, was that coach Lexeaus was bull dozing his way towards me, running with the speed of a bull in his tight gym shorts while his whistle bounced on his chest. Damn coach has a small-

"ROXASSSSSSSSSS STRIFEEEEEEEEE!" I had about two seconds to brace for impact before I was charged into, knocked of my feet and pulled up to hang in the air by the scruff of my neck while the others gathered around. "YOU ARE LATE!" Yes, coach Lexeaus has no sense of volume, he always shouts. It's the reason I'm partially deaf.

I cleaned out my ears with my fingers and tried to wiggle in the air. "Well ya see coach, the thing is…. My tutor kept me behind." I lied. "He wanted me for some experiment thing he was doing." I scowled down at Hayner and Pence as they sniggered at me. The other kids caught up and I can now clearly identify to you who I know.

There's Pence and Hayner, obviously, no need in describing them right? The silver haired kid is a little weird. He's about the same height as me, but he holds himself with an air of masculinity that just can't come from a straight guy. Arms folded, back straight, smirk on one side of his lips. Oh yes, this was one gay cocky motherfucker. But I have no name to give you so; yeah… we'll call him number two. Why number two? Because he can't possibly be number one, that's my place.

Stood next to him was Sora. Like I need to describe that reject. He's bouncing up and down on his feet, eager to get back to exercising. Yeah, he always was a little weird. I think he got dropped as a baby. Behind them is Seifer, a big, bulbous, thick headed gorilla that walks on two legs and occasionally forms a sentence without swearing. He got held back two years and so is now in our year, much to my displeasure. Ventus is stood next to Sora. I actually get on with Ventus quite well (and not just because he looks like me). We hang out sometimes and get drunk and stuff, but he has his click and I have mine and that's just the way it is. Anyway, describing Ventus is like describing me. Think of me and you have him, easy right?

Behind Ventus is some large lanky blonde kid with blue eyes and a weird dirty blonde hairstyle. A Mohawk cross kinda thing yano? I don't know, what do I look like, a fucking barber? Anyway, he's grinning like a mad man and smiling at me with friendly eyes. He doesn't seem too bad I guess, but then again looks aren't everything. See, I can be deep.

The last guy in our little band is some giant red head. He's super thin, and about the same size as the blonde guy I was just on about. His eyes are bright green, literally, and there are these stupid triangle things under his eyes. Wonder what they mean. Anyway, he's another one grinning at me. I guess we must have got new kids this year or something.

So as I was saying, I was held in the air by my teacher, correct?

"DO NOT LIE TO ME STRIFE! WHY ARE YOU LATE?"

I sighed and rubbed the spit out of my eyes. "Because…"

"BECAUSE?"

"No, that's my answer." I grinned, lifting my hands up to my throat and undoing the top two buttons before I began wriggling for my life. After a few seconds I dropped to the ground, albeit shirtless, and the coach growled like a dinosaur. I didn't hang about. As soon as I was free I was gone, racing back across the field and towards the school. But I still heard the coach screaming over my shoulder as he roared, his fist clenching about my shirt as I laughed.

"STUDENTS! THE FIST ONE OF YOU TO CATCH STRIFE HAS NO MORE GYM FOR THE NEXT TWO WEEKS. BRING THE BLONDE FREAK TO ME!"

Oh shit. I stopped and turned when I heard whoops and shouts, and all of a sudden the whole team was coming at me. Seriously, even my friends and my brother, my own brother. Skinny little runt that he is. I didn't hang about any longer after that. I ran.

Back in the school I thundered down the corridors, the squad of school soldiers not far behind me as every time I opened a door, before it could close I would hear it crack back open and their feet couldn't have been any louder if they were full grown elephants. I need a place to hide. The toilets would be too obvious, and if I go back outside the open space would definitely allow them to catch up to me. There was only one man who could save me now.

I turned right and ran up the steps, my legs killing me as I jumped up the stairs two at a time, the echoing screams below me forcing my heart to pump faster and my legs to work harder. I turned right at the top of the steps and then left before I climbed back down a flight and down the right corridor, racing towards the last door on my left. I pushed my whole body against it, falling through it, and looking up with a sigh of relief at my bewildered tutor who was still flicking through the damn paper (thankfully he had a free.)

"Zexion you gotta hide me. Lexeaus has put a hit out on me."

"Lexeaus has put a hit out on you...? Where is your shirt? Why do you always end up in my room half naked Roxas?" Zexion repeated very slowly, as if I were some deranged monkey that had wandered into his room speaking a foreign language and asking for a cup of Coco.

"It doesn't matter! You gotta hide me." I closed the door and looked about for a good hiding spot, practically crying when I found none except his desk. "Zexion, let me under your desk."

"No Roxas. I am not falling for that one again."

"Please!"

"No. Last time you almost got me fired."

"You're such a bum."

"And you have earned yourself such a detention."

"What!?"

"What am I Roxas?"

"A bum."

"Now you have a double detention. What am I Roxas?"

I clicked on fast. "You are the most magically terrific teacher in the whole wide world and I am so grateful to have an inspirational motivator such as you." He gave a smirk.

"Triple detention for butt kissing."

"Aw c'mon." I shouted, throwing my back at the wall when the kids pointed at me through the side window and started heaving against it while Zexion just raised an eyebrow and gave a breathy laugh. "Please Zex, its life or death."

He rolled his eyes at me and wandered to the door. "I told you to call me professor, Roxas. Just climb out the window and be gone."

I grinned and gave him a huge hug as he took my place at the door. "Thank you so much professor Roxas." I joked, moving away from him as he glared and running over to the window. I had one leg out when I heard him ask what it was all about, but I didn't stick around to give him an answer. As soon as I was out I was running like the wind. I was a blur, just gone. The wind couldn't even keep up with me. But the lanky red head with the green eyes could.

I was halfway across the field, in mid jump from leaping over a fence when I felt him rugby tackle my side as if in slow motion. I went down like a sack of spuds when he fell on top of me. Seriously, he may be skinny, but he must have muscles or something because this bastard is _heavy_.

"Got you now Blondie." He laughed, and I swear all I want to do is smack him for the torment he is causing me. He is currently sat on my stomach, just sat there as if he owns the world, and I can't shift his fat arse for the life of me. I glanced back at the others to make sure they weren't following and thankfully they weren't. Zexion must have made them go the long way round or something. God bless Tutors.

"Get offa me you red headed bum! Let go!" I struggled for my life, extremely nervous by the crotch in my face. This guy, unlike coach Lexeaus, has a package.

"No way, you're my ticket outta gym for the next two weeks"

The grin in his eyes told me he wasn't joking. So I used the only option I had available to me at the time. I looked past him and gave a gasp of surprise. "Oh shit! Dude let me go, it's the principle!"

"What? Where?"

And that was all it took. As soon as he was distracted I mustered up all my strength, lifted my head, and head butted him in his sausage and meatballs. A yelp so high no man should make it reached my ears and his eyes immediately began to water. With a heavy shove I managed to shove him of me while he grabbed his now very bruised bits. I was laughing, completely overwhelmed by my triumph of the traitorous gym class.

"Dude! What the hell?" the kid sounded like he was in a lot of pain, and a small portion of me felt bad. But it was such a teeny tiny piece of me that I was able to sweep it under the rug of my conscience.

I was so overwhelmed I failed to see the dragon behind me. Behind me stood Xemnas, the principle. When I said the Principle was over there, I was _bluffing_. I didn't think he was _actually_ there.

"Roxas, pray tell me what I just witnessed." Xemnas said, but trust me, when Xemnas talks to you he might as well be screaming. He is that scary.

Let me give you a little insight on Xemnas. He's the principle of the school, the man who excluded me twice for things I didn't do, and the man who seems to live for the purpose of making my life a misery. He hates me. Every time I do something wrong he's there. It all started when I went to get revenge for him giving me a triple week detention. So I set a racoon lose in his office. Unfortunately, all his important bank details and paperwork was in there that day and the racoon had been given a series dose of laxatives (that was not my idea, blame Hayner) and ever since he has had a grudge on me because the bank would not give him a mortgage due to the bank statements smelling a bit er…shit.

Anyway, back to the present, right?

"I er…ya see… Coach, he set a hit out on me and then everyone wanted to kill me and then this kid jumped on me so I had to use self defence to get away. I'm the innocent one in all this."

He gave me a disbelieving look and the kid on the ground spoke up. "What?! You're innocent? I'm the one sat grabbing my balls dude! How are you innocent?"

I glared at him. "Because I didn't dive on someone like a God damn tonne of concrete!"

"That is enough." Xemnas seethed, turning to glare at us and taking it in turns. "Roxas, you have ten seconds. Why are you shirtless?"

When Xemnas says you have ten seconds. You had better believe you had better get your story out in ten seconds, trust me. "Coach Lexeaus stripped me."

Xemnas raised an eyebrow and turned to the redhead. "Axel why are you in pain?"

"Blondie here hit me in the nuts with his thick fucking head."

"Language! Roxas, did you hit Axel in the testicular area with your thick, yet albeit somewhat empty, skull?"

"In a fashion."

Xemnas rubbed his eyes and grabbed me by the back of the scruff of my trouser pants (because he couldn't grab the scruff of my neck) and dragged me backwards. He grabbed the new kid, Axel, as he went by his afro, and together all of us marched across the school field, back towards the school building and back towards the principles damned office.

As I walked backwards with my principles fingers grasping my belt, I couldn't help but glare at the redhead besides me as he winced at the teacher pulling his hair. Ha, stupid red. That's why I have short(ish) hair. It used to be long, but after a similar incident I cut it short. See, I am smart. Inside the school Xemnas dragged us up several flights of stairs, the corridor twaggers and the lounging teachers parting before him as if he were Jesus reborn. But don't ever tell him that. Xemnas' ego is already inflated enough.

He finally let us go when we reached his office on the fourth floor and he promptly pushed us down into the two chairs opposite his desk.

"Wait here while I call your guardians."

I was about to interrupt and beg him not to call Cloud when he turned and gave me the Death Glare. In case you don't know, this is where Xemnas get's these little blue veins beneath his eyes and his pupils dilate to little specks. It makes him look so much like a zombie its not even funny. "No Roxas, I don't want to hear it. I am calling your brother and he is coming to pick you up. You will resume school tomorrow and from then on out you will have double detention for a month. No if's, buts' or maybe's. Got it?" I didn't answer. That means I have double detention for a month and Zexion's triple detention, and it isn't even lunch time. God my life sucks, but my day got a little better at the next words to come from my principles mouth. "The same goes for you Axel. Make sure you turn up for detention every night or I swear you'll be out of this school faster than you can say boo."

The red heads open mouth as he crossed his legs and folded his arms, huffing and leaning back in his chair, was priceless, and as soon as the principle left, the idiot inside me just had to tell him.

"Dude your face was priceless." I laughed, getting up and walking around the room to examine the new bookshelves. "Wow, Xemnas has had a revamp, nice."

"You know, you're an arse." Axel hissed at me, and I gotta tell ya, I was a little taken back by the comment.

"I'm an arse? Hey, you were the one who chased me across the school field stupid!"

"Well if you wouldn't have skipped class I wouldn't have had to chase you, would I?"

I turned, book in hand, and glared at him glaring at me. Oh so it's a showdown he wants. Does he not know that I live with Sora Strife, biggest pain of all time? So I accepted his challenge, and for three whole minutes we stared at each other without blinking. My eyes began to water, my nose itched and my face _hurt_, but this guy still wasn't close to giving in. It was like he was the terminator at staring or something. So I did the only reasonable thing I could think of when I knew I was losing. I launched a book at him.

It hit him dead in the centre of his head and left a huge book imprint. I swear, a funnier thing I have yet to see. Unfortunately he begged to differ, and before I could register what was going on the desk lamp was being launched at my head. If I wouldn't have ducked I would be having frequent electric spasms by now, but thankfully I am agile despite what my coach thinks.

"You are so dead blondie!"

And that was how the war started.

He jumped up on his chair, eyes pinned on me, and launched of with an air of skill I couldn't place. I moved out of the way but he managed to catch my trousers and tackle me to the ground once more, so I took of my belt and sat on him, tying my (or rather Sora's) belt about his wrist and then pinning him to the teachers desk. When I scrambled away the red head was like a chained tiger. Thankfully Xemnas had the common sense to cement his desk to the ground, but that's a story for another time.

"You are a complete asshole." I panted.

"You're not exactly much better" he ground out.

I was about to answer when I noticed the door was open and stood in its place were Xemnas, a very pissed looking Cloud and some red headed dude with a striking resemblance to Axel.

"Roxas! I have had enough!" Cloud all but yelled at me. He pushed both other males to a side and stomped into the room. "I can't leave you alone for five seconds-…why are you naked again?" he heaved a heavy sigh and I grinned.

"It's the way the people want me." I laughed, winking over at the new kid when he let out a laugh before I gave a manly yelp at Cloud picking me up and lifting me over his shoulder, once again, for the second time in a row that day. I think I must have broken a record or something. I mean, it's not even lunch time.

"Roxas, when we get home you are grounded. You have to do all Sora's chores for a month-"

"Wha-"

"You are getting no allowance-"

"Cloud, you're overreacting-"

"And you are…are…" he stopped for a moment at the top of the steps and growled at me when I started sniggering. "And something else! I'll come up with it in the car!"

"Sounds real scary" I grumbled, laughing a little.

When we got to the bottom of the steps my tutor was on his way down the corridor with a cup of coffee in hand. He didn't even look up when he greeted me. "Good morning Roxas, morning Cloud. See you in two days Roxas, and probably you too Cloud." And then he rounded the corner and left. Sometimes it amazes me how my reputation can surpass me. I was shoved further up Cloud's shoulder with a sigh and he headed out the entrance, striding over to his car and refusing to talk to me. So now I'm getting the silent treatment as well. Greaaaaaaaaat. Can't wait for anything else that comes my way.

I was thrown into the backseat by Cloud, because my brother is so gentle (not), and the door was slammed in my face. When Cloud got into the front seat he gave me an intimidating glare through the mirror that warned me to stay quiet. Normally, I would've been all over that, throwing the biggest tantrum the world had ever seen, but for now I'm tired. I never did get that nap in the car earlier, might as well catch it now.

So I sprawled out in the back seat and stuck my feet in the air next to my brother's head, much to his annoyance, and started to doze of while he flicked on the radio to the loudest rock channel he could find. Bastard.

School Memo #2 – the saying of red heads is true. They are fiery little devils. Watch out for their pitch forks.

P.S. mustn't forget to get Sora's belt back. But only if the redhead is already unchained. There is no sense in further angering the beast.

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I'm sorry this took so long to get up :( I've had nothing but essays for the past two weeks ^_^' thankyou to anyone and everyone sticking by this story. You are awesome :D

**sapphire fan - thank you :D I'm so glad you think so. I hope this chapter is funny as well, I'm not very good at writing comedy but I'm trying lol. Thank you for the review :) **


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